


Never Letting Go

by kariberri13



Category: dan and phil
Genre: Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 11:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12840573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kariberri13/pseuds/kariberri13
Summary: Hey guys! Please tell me what you think of this.Its a story I wrote awhile ago and just figured I should post it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Please tell me what you think of this.  
> Its a story I wrote awhile ago and just figured I should post it.

It was a dark gloomy night and things were not quiet in the Dan and Phil household. Dan and Phil were at odds because of the upcoming tour. Dan thought they should cancel it. It didn't seem like a good idea with everything that was going on. He was referring to the whole Phan thing. It was setting something off in both of them. They were best friends. They loved each other like brothers. People had to show that they wanted Phan to be true. Dan looked down at his computer screen. He had just told Phil he thought it was a bad idea. Phil looked at him in shock. He stormed off back to his room.   
Phil was sitting on his bed. The colour in it looked wrong. The bright colour seemed to try to make him happy. He closed his eyes. A single tear rolled down his cheek. His phone rang. It was his mum. She always knew when Phil wasn't happy. Her voice sounded through Phil's soundless room. She asked if him and Dan were fighting. When Phil confirmed this she told him something that broke his heart. Her voice rang through his head. Leave when Dan wasn't home? His mum told him to leave all of his stuff, he had plenty still left at his mum's house.   
Dan felt bad for telling Phil he didn't want to do the tour. It was after all 8 months away. There was no reason to cancel it. Everything would blow over, or so he hoped. He decided that he needed a walk in the woods. He left and the apartment door closing echoed through the entire apartment. Phil jumped off his bed. He would have to leave now. He looked around the apartment one last time. He remembered all of the fun times that Dan and him had. Every video that they made. Another tear rolled down his cheek. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door. Making sure no one saw him he headed to his mum's house.   
An hour later Dan got back home. Something seemed off. He had decided to go and tell Phil that he wanted to do that tour. That he was just simply overreacting. He stood at Phil's bedroom door. He grabbed the knob and turned it. It swung open with a creak. No one was inside. A note was lain on the bed. He walked over to read it. 'I've left. I'm long gone by the time you read this. It's to hard. I don't think that we could ever get over this. I want to do the tour, but you don't want to. I'm not going to force you into it.' A tear hit the paper making the black ink run. Dan crumpled the paper up. He looked at everything in Phil's room. It looked too happy. The bright bedding, the stuffed animals, even the posters seemed to mock the sadness in Dan. He never wanted this. He didn't know what he was going to do. Phil meant everything to him. He relied on Phil. He encouraged happiness. He made the simple things fun. He made Dan feel human again. Now he was gone, all because Dan had pushed him away. Dan wandered into the bathroom. He stared at his reflection. He was still crying. He saw what he hadn't seen in a long time. Last time he was it was before he meant Phil. He was the depression in his own eyes. He saw his broken heart. He saw how broken inside he was. He couldn't stand it. He walked outside with headphones in. He went to cross the street without looking. A car tried to stop, but it couldn't before it hit Dan. Dan hit his head on the road. He saw the sky and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil was sitting at his mum's table looking around. It was odd. He felt he did the wrong thing. His phone rang. It blared through the silence. He looked at the screen. A number he didn't recognize. He had a weird feeling that just urged him to answer it. "Hello, is this Phil Lester?" "Yes it is." "Your friend Dan is in the hospital, he got hit by a car. He is in very bad condition. Are you able to come up and see him?" Phil slammed his phone on the table and took off. His mum apologized and said that he was coming. Phil had tears streaming out of his eyes. He had so many questions speeding through his head. Would Dan make it? Would he be mad? Would he die? Phil couldn't stand the thought of never hearing Dan's voice, never seeing his smile, or never hearing his loud laugh again.   
Phil made it to the hospital. He rushed to the front desk. "I'm here to see Daniel Howell." He said urgently. The lady told him that Dan was in room 036. He rushed down the hallways finding the room. He almost ran past it, but he skidded to a stop. He stared at the door. He hoped that Dan wanted to see him. If Dan blamed him he would not be able to handle it. Phil boldly opened the door. Dan looked at him with expressionless eyes. "Hey Dan." Dan took a minute to answer. "Who are you." The question shot an arrow through his heart. No, Dan had to remember him. It was impossible. Six years were lost. Phil burst into sobs. His best friend didn't remember him. He had no idea what happened or anything. Phil stared at Dan. His fringe was going everywhere and his hair was slightly curly. His leg was broken and he had hit his head. The doctors were only keeping him because they are afraid of him slipping into a coma. With this amount of head trauma, it was a high chance of it happening.   
The doctor came in and looked at Phil. He told Phil that visiting hours were over. He would have to leave Dan. Dan's parents were coming up from Iceland because they went on a vacation that Dan didn't want to go on. Phil wondered if Dan would remember his parents. Phil slowly left the room. He got into his car and just sat. He wanted Dan to remember. He wanted to laugh with him again. He didn't want to have to rebuild their friendship, he wanted their old one back. He knew he would have to make a video telling people what happened. He didn't want to do it. He just wanted everything to go back to normal before they were fighting.   
The next morning Phil's phone rang again. I'm sorry to tell you Mr. Lester, Dan has slipped into a coma. He may never wake back up. Phil didn't know what to say. He just hung up the phone. He sat down on the couch and grabbed a picture of Dan and him. He stared at it. He instantly remembered the moment they took it. He remembered the trip they took. It was to Japan. He put the picture back. He decided he needed to tell the fandom what happened. He made a quick video and without any editing he uploaded it. At first it seemed as nothing was wrong. He had titled it Where Dan Is. In moments the views were coming thru. As soon as people finished the video they commented. Phil went to the hospital. He walked into Dan's room. He grabbed Dan's hand. It looked pale and lifeless even in Phil's pale hand. He looked at his friend's face. His eyes were closed. He looked peaceful. Maybe Dan was having a good coma dream. It was the best thing that Phil could think of. Everything else what mental images of Dan dying or of Dan's funeral. A tear slipped down his check and fell onto Dan's hand. At the time visiting was done, Phil wouldn't leave. Dan didn't deserve to be left alone. His parents and brother had already left for the night. His best friend couldn't do the same. Eventually the nurses and doctors just let him stay.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil woke up sitting next to Dan. He was starving. He looked down at Dan. He assured himself that Dan was breathing and went and got breakfast. He quickly ate at a restaurant and went back to Dan's room. When he got back the doctor told him that Dan was stable. The doctor still said that he didn't know if Dan would wake up, and if he did, he might not remember anything. Phil was sitting in the silent room when the door violently swung open. It was Tyler Oakley. He ran towards Dan. He just stared like he couldn't believe his friend was lying there. He saw Dan's hand in Phil's. Dan's hand look pale in Phil's, even with Phil's nearly white skin tone. Tyler didn't understand why this happened to Dan. Dan was a good person, even if he had is mean moments. Next to come into the room was Louise. Her and Dan had many awkward moments between them. Louise was a good friend of Dan's too, just not as good of a friend as Phil. They all just stared at Dan. Louise thought about Dan waking up right then and just seeing them all staring at him. It would be another awkward moment to add to their list.   
Hours later Dan's parents came back. They asked politely for them all to leave. Phil looked lost. Tyler grabbed Phil and tugged him out of the room. "Let his parents have time alone with him. They need to see their son alone." Tyler then told Phil to follow him back to his house. Phil did as told and went back to Tyler's. He didn't have anything to say, so he just sat there. He looked around the room blankly. It seemed warm and happy, almost inviting, but Phil's own bad mood wouldn't let him feel anything close to happiness. His world was stripped to bleakness without Dan. He had nothing to do. He realized that Dan and him did everything together. He always had Dan by his side. They had written a book together. He hoped Dan would wake up and remember everything. He thought about Dan saying he had no idea who Phil was. The question still hurt him. He didn't understand how this happened. He felt like it was his fault. He didn't know what to do.


	4. Chapter 4

Months Later.   
Dan hadn't woken up and Phil was at breaking point. The hospital had told them that Dan had a very low hope of waking up. That it was best to just let him go and release him. Dan's parents told them a few more days. That came to an end tomorrow. Phil felt so bad that he had convinced himself that he should be there to meet Dan, because it was Phil's fault he was in the coma. Phil took one more walk around that apartment. Tyler came once a day to check on Phil and he had just arrived. Phil wasn't going to tell Tyler. He felt bad that it was probably going to be Tyler that found his cold dead body. Tyler finally left and Phil wrote a quick note. 'To whoever is reading this. I'm sorry. The last months have been too hard. Dan's coma is my fault. I can't handle this anymore. I'm sorry for being a burden for so long. You will finally be relieved of taking care of me. I want to see Dan again and the only way is for me to die with him. I'm so sorry for this. Goodbye until we meet again. -Phil.  
He grabbed a chair and sat down on it. He held the cold gun in his hand. He put it to his head and was about to pull the trigger. His phone rang. He glanced down at it. It was the hospital. He wondered what they wanted. He answered the phone. "Is this Phil Lester?" "Yes." Phil's tone was blank. "Dan Howell has woken up and his keeps asking for you." "Oh my god." Tears fell from Phil's face. He threw the gun next to the note he had written. He ran to his car and sped to the hospital. Nothing could make him happier. He got there and was breathless. He ran past the desk lady and up to Dan's room. He burst through the door and saw Dan's still pale skin. He was awake. Dan looked at Phil and smiled. He seemed as if he remembered. Dan told Phil that he remembers some, but not everything. Dan looked at his own pale skin. "I need to tan." He said laughing. Phil relaxed at Dan's laugh. Nothing could have made this moment better. An hour later Tyler Oakley and Louise came into the room. They both looked at Dan and smiled. Tyler looked relived. He knew that Phil couldn't have made it without Dan and he would have lost two friends. Louise looked at Phil. She could see that the depression in him had faded in seconds. Dan remembered the moments before he had gotten hit. His mind flashed back to him looking in the mirror. He started to panic. What if Phil thought this was his fault. For some reason the room started to spin. Dan looked sick and he started to cough up blood. Phil screamed for a nurse. Something was wrong. This wasn't right. Phil just knew something was wrong. A nurse ran into the room and told them all they needed to leave. What they were afraid of happened. Dan's lung had a small rip and it was starting to fill with blood. The laughing must have torn it more. They had to get the blood out of his lung before he choked to death. Phil could hear Dan's coughing from where he sat outside the door. Of course something had to go wrong. It was to good to be true.


	5. Chapter 5

Phil sat outside of Dan's room sobbing until the doctor came out. His hands were clean. Almost like he never helped Dan. He looked at Phil curled up in a ball by the door. He sighed. He kept walking. Phil tried to go into the room, but a pair of nurses stopped. The pushed him out the door. He cried harder. There was a sound that wasn't mistakable. The flatline. The nurses rushed into the room. Doctors came behind them. The door slammed shut. Phil cried even hard, his entire body shook. He heard the yell clear. More yelling. They seemed like they couldn't bring him back. Phil started to get dizzy. A nurse saw him swaying. She walked over to him and asked him if he was okay. Her voice echoed through Phil's head. The room was spinning. He fell over unconscious. He up and instantly tried to get up. A nurse was there telling him to lay down. His eyes widened. "Is Dan Howell okay?" The nurse told him that she didn't know. After she left Phil jumped out of the bed sending a signal to the nurses and he raced down to Dan's room. He burst through the door revealing no one inside. He sank to the floor and cried. A nurse was trying to pick him up. He tried to tell Phil that it was okay. Phil wouldn't listen. Phil abruptly stood up and towered at least a foot over the nurse. He took a step backwards. Phil seemed like a giant and he didn't want to tell a overly tall person to leave. He tried to calmly tell Phil that Dan was moved to the icu. He begged the nurse to take him to see him. Dan was his best friend. The nurse thought about it. He thought it was weird that a 6' 2 male was begging to him. He decided it was the best thing to do. He told Phil to go get his clothes on and then he would take him up to see Dan. Phil felt relieved that Dan was still alive. He changed and went up to see Dan. He went into the room and instantly smiled because Dan was asleep and smiling. He hadn't fallen into a coma. He had a slightly better chance of getting better. Phil knew that Dan could push through it. Dan was a fighter. Dan always made it through. He had to. Phil couldn't have done what he has if it wasn't for Phil. Phil needed Dan and Dan needed him.


	6. Chapter 6

Phil wanted to see Dan smile again so bad. Nothing could make him happier other that Dan getting up. Phil just wanted his best friend back. He looked at his watch and instantly remember the note. Tyler was due to come in 5 minutes. Phil grabbed his phone. It was dead. Phil ran out of the room and out the door of the hospital. He was panting hard by the time he got to his car. He jumped in and sped down that road. He couldn't let Tyler find that note. By the time he got back to his flat Tyler was already there. Phil ran in and Tyler looked at him with red puffy eyes. He stood up and yelled at Phil. "YOU WANTED TO DO THIS! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Phil couldn't help it he just burst into tears. He felt so bad. "I WOULD HAVE FOUND YOUR BODY!" "I know. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me." Tyler looked down. "I don't know if I can Phil." Phil sank to the floor. Tyler stared at him. He couldn't do this to Phil. "Okay, okay, I forgive you. Just don't you are suicide for something that isn't your fault." Phil thanked him a million times. Tyler and him just sat on the floor. Phil was so tired he ended up falling asleep at 3 in the afternoon. Tyler couldn't wake him up and he wasn't strong enough to move Phil. He felt bad, but just left Phil on the floor. He giggled at the thought of him just laying there. He decided to go see Dan. Tyler didn't know if Dan would survive. He new if Dan died Phil would too. He knew that Phil wouldn't get any help for depression because he wouldn't admit that such a happy person could be depressed, even with this tragedy. He knew Phil would always be scarred from this. It was like the squirrel attack. Tyler went to the front desk lady which was surprisingly a younger lady. He asked for Dan Howell's room and she instantly looked up at him. "OMG YOU'RE TYLER OAKLEY!!!!!" He jumped at the volume of her voice. She was basically screeching. He looked around. People were staring and some guy was staring at him in amazement. He strutted over to Tyler. Tyler instantly knew he was gay. Even before he could speak. "OMG, Oh- My- GOD. You're Tyler. You are like my hero. Well, my gay hero. You gave the the confidence to tell my strict dad that I'm gay." Tyler smiled. At least he helped one person to come out. Tyler remembered why he was here and whipped around to the lady. "Dan Howell's room please." She told him where to go and he sped walked to his room. He was laying there asleep. At least he wasn't in another coma. Tyler looked at his phone and realized he didn't have much time to talk with Dan. He was looking at his phone when Dan said his name. He looked up as Dan asked where Phil was. "He is at home sleeping. He'll come by later." Tyler's phone rang and he had to go. "Bye Dan." Dan smiled and said bye. He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Phil laid in bed deep in thought. It had been two weeks since Dan had to get more surgery. Phil was hoping that Dan would come home soon. Phil was just drifting off to sleep when the door of their flat swung open. Dan walked in and looked around. The flat was still clean, if it would have been Phil in the hospital the flat would have been a massive disaster. Phil came out of his room and instantly threw his arms around Dan. His best friend was home again. Dan smiled. He asked Phil if he wanted to go get stuff for dinner. They left and got random things from the store. Neither of them wanted to cook that night. They got ice cream, cake, drinks, and an assortment of other foods. They bought it and left the store. Back at the flat Tyler and Louise were sitting outside their door. They both brought food. Everyone went in and Dan started some music. It was a celebration of him coming back. Dan turned to Phil, "I want to do the tour. I was an idiotic fool for thinking I didn't want to do something that amazing with my best friend." Phil started to cry. Dan looked at Phil sky blue eyes crying, it made him cry as well. Tyler and Louise looked at them both. They started to laugh. Then Phil looked at Dan. "I'm the one who should be sorry. We wouldn't have been in this if I would have just let it go. I left and that caused you to get hit. I felt so bad. Nothing could make me happy, other than seeing you. I realized that I NEED you. You're the one person that makes me feel complete. You're the human that calms my mind and my demons. I don't think I could ever lose you. I thought you were going to die so I was going to die with you. I felt that I couldn't live without you, and that is something that is true. I want to spend my life with you and I never want to lose you, I don't want you to lose me." Dan was in tears by the time Phil was done. Phil looked at Tyler and Louise, they both were in tears. Tyler stood up and told them that Dan and Phil needed a moment alone. Him and Louise left and told them that they would check on them tomorrow. Dan and Phil hugged again and in that moment everything was perfect. They were friends again and they were going on tour, together. They would never let something break them apart, they realized that they needed each other. They realized that they were each other's soul best friends.   
\-----The End


End file.
